Thursday, September 14, 2006

i need a holiday

I haven't had a break from work lasting longer than a bank holiday since April when we moved house, which wasn't exactly what most sane people would call a holiday. Consequently, I am, as they say, 'cracking up'. Thankfully, I'm not the only one.

I am, as one of my colleagues put it, a closet ditz (only, not so closet now) It's not unusual for minifig to point out that I've put my pants on back to front or my cardigan on inside out. It's a long standing problem. When I was fourteen I accidentally bought a pair of odd shoes - one brown, one black. By the time I had realised it was too late to take them back, so I wore them anyway. Bizarrely, very few people noticed, proof that vanity is largely a waste of time, and perhaps one of the reasons why my day-to-day idiocy has gone largely unnoticed by anybody that doesn't live with me. However, my clumbsiness does sometimes come out with me. I tumble down stairs, walk into lamposts, sit on people's laps on the tube and once, fell off four different bar-stools in the same pub, before finally breaking one. I have broken my computer at work six times. Most breakages in the office are put down to 'Darling, wrecking the joint'.

But even I was incredibly impressed by the new low (or perhaps peak) in my abilities to be a, how you say, durr-brain.

Yesterday, an unseasonably hot and humid day, I left the house in my usual slightly frazzled state and began making my merry way down the stairwell before I was gripped by the fear that I can forgotten something very important. Something, was quite definitely amiss - yes, something was missing.

And then I realised what I had forgotten.

Underwear. Both necessary articles.

Obviously, I turned around and went back to my flat and made sure I left fully dressed.

I am also going to book some time off.


At 17 September, 2006 18:41 , Blogger Newfred said...

As my tutor always tells me, 'a breakdown in a breakthrough!'

At a concert recently one of our basses brought two left shoes with him by accident, (like you, one brown and one black). Living 30 miles away from our venue, and there being no spare shoes, he wore them, and apart from going round in circles when he tried to walk, all was well and no-one noticed.

Finally, I was frequently embarassed when young by my mother getting out of bed late, driving me to the bus stop in her pyjamas, and often chasing the school bus and almost driving it off the road in her efforts to be on time for work.

I could go on. Instead, I'll just leave you with the Spike Milligan poem relating to odd shoes/legs:

The other day I gave a cough
There and then my leg fell off
A policeman gave it a stamp
And said, "You cannot leave it there"
I took it to a doctor who said
"I'm sorry but this leg is dead"
I was shocked into grieving
Then I heard the leg still breathing!
When I knew it wasn't dead
I rushed it to a hospital bed
It was stitched on by Doctor Hay
But facing alas, the other way
Now when I walk I have found
I only go around and around

At 20 September, 2006 17:45 , Blogger monkeytwo said...

Clumsy eh... What about the watches you break???

At 21 September, 2006 18:46 , Blogger darling vicarage said...

good point monkeytwo - i am on my fourth watch this year. and thanks, newfred, i do feel better having broken through, as it were


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